the Thing on Yugi's head
by Stupidfic
Summary: Rude Kaiser is so rude


-1It another day as Yugi and Dark Magician Girl were secretly making out in Yugi's bedroom.

While she was taking off her bra, Dark Magician Girl asked out of the blue "what's that thing on your head?"

"Huh?" wondered her midget lover.

"You know, that spiky thing. What is it?"

"Hmm… I don't know."

After an hour of crazy sex, Yugi went to see his grandpa.

"Hey grandpa!" said the boy "do you know what this thing on my head is?"

"That?" said grandpa "I never knew what that is."

Just then Yugi's friends came by to hang out.

"Hey Yug" shouted Joey "wanna play Duel Monsters?"

Yugi replied "not now guys, I'm trying to figure what's the thing on my head."

"Thing on your head, eh?" Joey wondered "I think it's a crazy hairstyle."

"Don't be stupid, Joey!" Tea sighed "it's obviously an exotic hat!"

"Your both wrong!" yelled Tristan "it's a brain tumor!"

"Let's go see Kaiba" Yugi butted in his friends' conversation "I'm sure he has an invention that could help us in this predicament."

So they went on a incredible journey to KaibaCorp. But because I'm a lazy bastard, I'm not going to describe the journey and just have them arrive in their destination.

Joey busted down an office door and screamed "hey Kaiba, you little piece of shit! Help us out or I swear to fucking god I'll kick you in the balls!"

"Nice to see you too" muttered Kaiba "so what exactly do you need help with?"

Tea answered "we need to find out what that is on Yugi's head!"

Kaiba pondered for a moment, then spoke "alright, then, I'll help. I just so happen to make a machine to help figure out what's on Yugi's head and it just so happens that I have right in this room. Yeah, that machine that Yugi is hooked up to right now."

"Convenient!" Tristan said.

"So how does this thing work?" asked Tea.

"Simple, really" stated Kaiba "that machine will grab the thing on Yugi's head and pull it off. From there, we can conclude if it's a part of Yugi or just an accessory."

"But what if Yug dies?" Joey wondered in shock.

Kaiba activated the machine and said "then I guess I have less competition."

A claw suddenly came out from the machine and pull on Yugi's head. The short boy cried in pain as the claw pulled. With a POP, the thing was off Yugi's head.

"I'M BALD!" Yugi sobbed while touching his head.

"Wow, Yugi" Tristan said looking at his friend "without that thing, you look rather lame."

Tea changed the topic somewhat by saying "so what exactly is that thing?"

Kaiba examined the object. "It's not hair or a defection, but it's definitely not artificial." Kaiba poked the thing and fell backwards when it attacked.

Joey screamed "HOLY SHIT IT'S ALIVE!!!"

The thing was tossed against the wall by a counter-attacking Kaiba. It crawled on the ceiling and went into a vent.

"What the fuck was that?!" yelled Tristan.

"It appears to be some sort of parasite" Kaiba panted "it's probably the reason why Yugi is such a great duelist."

Suddenly, a rumble knocked everyone to the floor.

"Uh, Kaiba?" Yugi whispered "did that vent the thing went into lead to anywhere?"

Kaiba replied "only to a top secret death robot that's already fuctio- oh shit."

A large metal arm burst through the room and everyone ran and screamed while lasers were fired everywhere.

Two years later, the entire has been taken over by KaibaCorp, ruled by the thing that was once on Yugi's head. Humanity has suffered from cruel slavery, lack of food, and horribly dubbed anime. There had been those who resisted, rebels who fought back with guns, robots, and Duel Monsters (because what is Yu-Gi-Oh without Duel Monsters?) But resistance was futile, as KaibaCorp was practically invincible.

However, rebel scientists managed to create a time machine, and decided to use it to stop the madness before it ever began. They sent their finest robot, the Yuginator, back in time before Yugi wanted to know what the thing on his head was. Unfortunately, the scientists forgot to install weapons to the Yuginator, and it want to buy one since there was a sale at the Robot Store For Robots That Might Exist Or Travel Through Time Or Something and it really wanted a new GUWTF9000 processor.

Although it was unarmed, the Yuginator was crafty, and devised a plan. Sneaking into Yugi's home, the robot took a picture of Yugi and Dark Magician Girl having sex and sold it to the tabloids. Within minutes the news spread like wildfire as the story of a card player doing his cards were on the front page of every magazine. This was more controversial than the discovery of the Fullmetal Alchemist not fully metal. Too busy trying to clear up this ugly, Yugi never went to find out about the thing on his head and the future wasn't taken over.

To some, the story was just a publicity stunt, but to the Yuginator (who now calls itself Jerry Louis from Kentucky), it was a way to save the world from something more sinister.


End file.
